Sometimes There's Just No Substitute!

I've never had truly terrible acne but I've for sure had difficult times with my skin, and for the last five or six years I've been a dedicated Proactiv user (it really does work as well as the infomercials say!) However, with the smack-down I've put on our budget, I've been trying to find a way to slim down my skincare expenses by switching to cheaper and/or generic products. I didn't want to change my whole skincare routine at once (confounding variables!) so I decided to change out one product at a time, wait to see how that works out, and then target a different product after that. I figured the toner would be the easiest thing to find a replacement for, so I kept using the rest of the products and started experimenting with other toners with similar ingredients.

After a few months of experimentation . . . DISASTER! My skin has been an angry mess (for me, anyhow. It's certainly not as bad as it was when I was a teenager or anything, but it was definitely worse than usual). I switched back to my Proactiv toner for two days, and my skin is already calming down and looking happier (yes, skin can look happy!) My plan now is to stick with the toner and look for a face wash replacement. We'll see how my skin reacts to that change ;)

I think that the majority of the time, the generic is just as good as the brand name. Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal versus Golden Spooners (the kind that come in the bag instead of a box) are hardly distinguishable. Generic kidney beans are no better or worse than the name brand, and why should I pay more for fancy herbs and seasoning when it all comes from the same plant, anyhow?

However, there are those few things where the generics just can't compare. Though I've been eating the generic for years (because it's a lot cheaper!) Skippy peanut butter really is more delicious than the store brand. Some generic medications do NOT work as well as the brand name medications (both over the counter and prescription - I've learned this one the hard way!) Charmin toilet paper and Kleenex brand tissues are both IMMEASURABLY better than the generics (some body parts just can't be tricked by substituting the store brand for name brand items!)

Unluckily for me and my weaning myself off of Proactiv experiment, my skin is one of those body parts that can't be fooled! Oh well. My quest to be a tightwad will continue in other arenas, but I always love to save some time and avoid re-inventing the wheel when at all possible. What are some other items that I shouldn't bother trying to cut corners on? :)

Happy Blog-aversary To Me!

My first post went up on 2/14 (yes, I started my blog on Valentines Day, we are just that romantic of a couple!) I know today is 4/16, but I don't mind celebrating events a few days late!

In any case, I've been up and running for 2 months now and I've had over 400 visits! That's not blog-celebrity status or anything, but I feel that it's a pretty impressive number for the fact that I'm just a regular girl rambling about nonsense! So to everybody who has ever dropped by to visit, thank you so much for taking a moment out of your day to read what I have to say, and for making me listened to :) Whoever you are, you're the best (and come back again, soon, because I can't wait to see where I'm at in another 2 months!)

Why It Was Vitally Important That I Cut All My Hair Off

Sometimes in life you can change the direction you're going in without too much of a fight, and sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can muster some upward mobility again.

I think I'm mostly a "hit rock bottom first, and then really turn things around!" kind of girl. That phrase always brings to mind drug addiction and suicide, but I don't mean it that way at all. Before you start worrying about me, let me give you an example that I think everyone can relate to - weight loss and body image.

I'd say that the way I feel about my body tends to ebb and flow from one day to the next; some days I'm convinced I look great, and others I'm convinced it would be an insult to the world to go outside in anything less than a muumuu. However, most valleys are followed relatively quickly by a peak, so I end up just going along with my life like always (i.e., I don't change anything). But every so often, the valley just keeps on going, and it usually has such a gradual slope that it takes me a while to realize how unhappy with myself I am getting.

And then suddenly, BANG, ROCK BOTTOM! One minute I'm moping about the cellulite on my thighs that no swimsuit cover-up will actually be able to cover, and the next moment something clicks in my head and I go, "Wait, why am I spending this time hating myself? Why not do something about it?" And then I have this moment of absolute clarity when I am suddenly passionately and enthusiastically driven to make a change! I have no idea why it suddenly goes from, "I hate the way I look, I will never go out in public again without people laughing at how big my butt is", to, "I'm going to join a gym and make a spreadsheet and then sign up again for Weight Watchers and there will be graphs and I can't wait, I'm going to go start right now!"


I really have no idea why, for the life of me, I can't just decide to whole-halfheartedly commit myself to a difficult task (and let's be honest, change is always difficult!). I can make a decision to do something, but I usually end up with a split personality - half of me is saying, "You want to change your body, so get thee to the gym!" and the other half is saying, "I love me and Jason loves me and I'd really rather stay here with him and watch a movie tonight". In the end, no matter if I go to the gym or not, half of me ends up cranky with the other half, which means I'm just cranky at me, and that just makes me cranky and annoying. So unless I have that big bang moment to really get me excited about the process, it just never works out. And that spark only shows up when I'm in the dark at the very bottom (where all the rocks are, which is why, of course, it's called rock bottom).

And just for the record, before you start thinking I'm a crazy yo-yo dieter, I need to brag for a moment - every time I've made that change, I've followed through. (Okay, I'm technically off the wagon from the gym right now, but I've kept off 10 of the 14 pounds I've lost in the last year! That's not a binge or crash diet, that's a lifestyle change, and I'm quite proud of myself for that one). So while my moods may plummet and rebound at ridiculous speeds, my commitment to the lifestyle changes made during that moment when the dark changed to light doesn't ricochet up and down like a bullet - it remains steady.

So, with that said, I'll get back to "Why It Was Vitally Important That I Cut All My Hair Off".

During my formative years (haha, look how old I am now, apparently! I have formative years!) I always spent a lot of time on my hair (a lot). And my makeup. And my clothes. And my shoes. And my earrings. (You get the point). But over the last few years, I stopped doing all those things (some of them slowly, and some of them very abruptly). I didn't have time, emotional energy, or money. I traded in putting on mascara for an extra 5 minutes of sleep, and putting my hair in a pony-tail for another 30. I got used to buying the cheapest clothing items I could find and owning just enough of them so that I could make it through a work week without too many funny looks.

Before I realized it, what had started off as a time and money saver had become an enforced way of life. Even if I'd WANTED to wake up earlier and do my hair, I didn't own any hair products anymore. My makeup was old, and I was out of practice using it. And so this last fall, I had one of those rock bottom moments.

I realized that I avoided looking in the mirror because I didn't like what I saw there anymore (and this is after the weight loss, so it was something new and different this time). I didn't think I was hideous, but I recognized that all I did everyday was roll out of bed and put in the minimum amount of effort in order to get by - smooth down the frizzies, powder away the shine, and make sure my clothing covered the necessary body parts. I didn't put any effort into myself. I'd lost all of the items and skills that I used to use to make myself sparkle. Now, instead of looking like Carolyn, I just looked like a lump of blah. I used to stand out from the crowd in photos (or I thought I did, anyhow!) and now I either blended into the background or stood out because of my obvious lack of effort.

Now, I do think that I used to place too much emphasis on my appearance, so not all of the changes I had made were negative. I continue to be proud that I can now shower, get dressed, do my hair and makeup, and be out the door in less than an hour (at my peak, it took me 2-3 hours before I'd leave, even just to go to the grocery store!)

So when I had this moment of clarity, it was harder than usual to figure out what action I should take. If you feel fat, you should eat better and work out more. If you feel like blah, you should . . . ??? Well, there are a LOT of things I could have chosen to do, but I focused in on my trademark - my ponytail (I worked in Phoenix for almost 2 years, and I think there was only one person there who ever saw my hair down). When I woke up in the morning, I would put my hair in a ponytail, fix the frizzies, and that's how it would stay for the rest of the day. At the end of the day I'd shower, put it in a ponytail again, and go to sleep. For very special occasions I would sometimes put in the effort to curl it and wear it down, but by that point I was out of practice and it just felt WEIRD having my hair in the way all the time! After an hour or two I just ended up annoyed and anxious to get it out of my face and into a ponytail again.

So at this point I did the only reasonable thing I could do - I made an appointment with a hairdresser, sat in the chair, and said, "I'm having a mid-mid-life crisis and need a big change" :) So we chopped it all off. And it was terrifying, because now people were going to be LOOKING at me when I went to work (you can't hide that kind of change!) Therefore, even if I didn't want to, I had to put in a little extra effort in the mornings because all eyes would be on me. Before I knew it, I was doing a little bit more each day. I was putting on a little bit of eyeliner before leaving the house. Then I was putting on little earrings (if I was going to be seeing clients that day who wouldn't try to yank them out, anyhow!) Then I was putting on a little bit of eyeshadow, and then I realized that I looked funny wearing makeup and doing my hair and wearing my work clothes, so I splurged on a few tee-shirts and some shorts that fit nicely. Suddenly, I was a new woman!

It's been 4 months now, and I'm not going to lie - I'm still trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing with my hair (I've always been good with makeup and clothes, but hair and I have never been able to understand each other). I had to buy all new styling tools and hair products and teach myself how to use everything again. In an attempt to combine effort AND ease, I am now determined to find the magic combination of hair products that will let my hair embrace it's natural waviness without descending into chaos and messiness (it's still a work in progress, we'll leave it at that!) I have certainly not achieved hair nirvana, but that was never the goal I was working towards (though if anyone knows how to get there, please fill me in!). I was looking to break out of the rut I'd gotten myself into, and by making my hair short enough that I couldn't put it in a ponytail even if I wanted to, I made sure I couldn't revert to my old habits.

I still don't spend that much time on my clothing or makeup in the morning, and I don't always leave the house liking the way my hair has turned out, but I tell you what - I always leave the house having at least tried, in one way or another, to put forth some effort and take pride in my appearance.

And I feel good about myself for that.

See, short hair! Now, it was humid as heck and we'd gone on an adventure in the rainforest that day, so my hair is pretty much doing it's own thing in this photo. And while I sweated it all off and you can't see it, I had put on a little bit of makeup before we left the house in the morning. And I was wearing one of my new pairs of shorts, too. So even for hiking, I put in at least a little bit of effort. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself . . . 

I Don't Understand Weddings

I don't understand weddings.

Well okay, I get the concept of marriage, and therefore the pomp and circumstance that goes along with it. I've done that, I get that.

What I don't get are all of the "traditional" components of a wedding that don't seem to have a purpose other than costing a lot of money. What, really, are the point of party favors? Do any wedding guests really save those candles or bubbles to reminisce over in the future? As much as I enjoy the purpose of a wedding, the whole thing always looks to me like a giant barter - you buy me presents, and in exchange, I'll buy you dinner and drinks. (Which is why for my wedding, we cut out the middle man - let's just all bring something for dinner and call it even). I can't imagine how much it must cost to throw a traditional wedding.

My main issue, though, is that attending a wedding is an expensive affair. I admit to there being times where I've really wanted to attend the special event, but it was just too cost prohibitive. Most of the time there is travel involved (which means paying for the drive, airfare, and/or hotel accommodations), finding something appropriate to wear to the event (and buying something, if you happen to be, like me, short on clothing), and of course, presents.

Buying presents is where you really start to lose me. If you are moving out of your parents home and starting off with nothing to your name, I totally understand the need to register for gifts. However, these days most people have been living on their own (and maybe even living together), so registering for gifts sometimes just seems like an excuse to ask people to buy you things you can't afford. I don't have much money, and I very rarely buy anything for myself. But you really can't go to a wedding and NOT bring a gift, so I at least try to pick the most functional thing off of the gift registry. Everyone needs things to cook with and eat off of, so I can justify that. But do you really need 18 place settings that you'll probably only use once or twice a year? If I can't seem to justify buying myself a tee-shirt from Target (the ones I wear the most are hand-me-downs from my sisters or ones I bought at a flea market three years ago) why should I have to buy you a sculpture or camping gear? How about you buy your own camping gear, and I'll make sure I don't show up to your party naked ;)

I have a number of weddings this summer, and I want to attend all of the parties for all of the couples because they are people that I care about and want to share this joyous moment of their lives with. But with the changes we are making to our budget in order to save up for a child, I simply cannot afford three separate trips out of town for bridal showers, three separate gifts for each of the bridal showers, and money for dinner/drinks/shenanigans for any bachelorette parties that are planned (and BOY do those parties usually end up expensive!) in ADDITION to the cost involved of attending the wedding and buying presents for that event as well. I just can't do it, and if I can't go, I look like I don't care. And I do care. I just don't care for spending that much money when I could be saving for a baby (I like babies more than I like giving people expensive stuff).

And so here is where I need some advice, because I'm too jaded and ignorant to know what the proper wedding gift etiquette is.

If you are invited to a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, and a wedding, do you buy gifts for all of those events, or is one gift enough?

Help me please, because I want to attend everything, but I don't want to show up empty handed and break any of the unwritten rules that I am completely unaware of. Is it okay to attend a wedding on a budget and only provide one gift, or do rules dictate I not attend the parties if I can't participate in the gift exchange as well?

Medical Professionals, Give Me Some Credit!

Before I say anything else, I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for medical professionals. I have a lot of family who work in the field, I've worked with some amazing people, and I still plan to go back to nursing school eventually (I'll be that old lady in your class making references and analogies between the homework assignment and some random story about my kids. Look for me there!)

BUT! As someone who's seen plenty of doctors during the course of my life, spanning a number of different disciplines (both for myself and for my siblings), I can tell you that for everyone one person you find that's really really great, you find ten that are worthless. (My particular pet peeve are pediatric personnel who act like they've never dealt with a child before in their lives, namely because I'm sure I could do what they are doing better than they are with only the minimal training I have).

What bothers me most overall, though, are the doctors/nurses/PA's/NP's/etc. who treat me like I don't know what I'm talking about. And when I say that, I don't mean that I'm trying to dispense medical knowledge. I mean that if I tell you something is wrong with my body, I expect you to take me seriously. I'm a big advocate for knowing your body and your limits, and I'm pretty good at knowing when something needs attention.

In their defense, I'm sure being a nurse or a doctor you see thousands of people who are absolutely imbecilic when it comes to dealing with their own health. I don't doubt that you end up cynical about the intelligence of your average patient. I've had my share of false alarms too, but at the very least, if my "cold" that won't go away after four weeks turns out just to be allergies, I can learn something from that, which means that my trip to urgent care wasn't a complete waste of either your or my time. I'll know for the future how to avoid it and won't be coming back again soon. (During that particular trip I got one of the best pieces of medical advice that I can't believe nobody had told me about earlier - the benefits of regularly using a sinus rinse. Doing so has changed my life, and now my sister's, since somebody else finally took my advice and gave it a try! I owe that PA, whose name I don't remember.) Please don't dismiss me immediately without listening to my story, because I may just be one of the few patients with something real to say. The majority of the time, my complaints are warranted and have at least some basis in reality. So please, try to treat all patients like they are worthy of listening to, on the off chance that they know what they are talking about.

Also, please don't dismiss what I say based solely upon your previous experiences. You may honestly have never had a patient who reacted negatively to a generic version of a medication, but that doesn't mean that it hasn't ever happened (all it takes is a quick internet search to find out that it has, because that many people sharing the same story can't be a fluke) or that it isn't currently happening to me. If I tell you that I have already tried to switch from a name brand to a generic and had truly AWFUL results, I need you to trust me, because I have no reason to lie. (I've been broke for years, trust me, nobody wants a generic brand drug more than me!) If you REALLY are insistent that I try the generic again, and I agree but say that I plan on calling for a new prescription if it doesn't work, then take my call when I try to tell you it isn't working! Don't string me along for a week, having various nurses leave me voicemails with ridiculous and conflicting advice, before I have to take more time off of work to come in and tell you in person what I told you the first time - it didn't work. My health is important to me, and with as much trust as I put into the hands of anyone who is taking care of me, I expect some level of trust in return, particularly when it comes to what I tell you of my own experiences. You can't confirm or deny what I am going through, and while I'm sure you have to look out for drug-seeking or other manipulative people, please try to trust me when I tell you how I am being affected by your decisions.

And finally, please don't put the cart before the horse - run your tests first and THEN give me your medical diagnosis! I went this morning for a throat culture because I thought I had strep throat. Again, the nurse didn't know me and I didn't know her, so she had no reason to trust my instincts except for the fact that the respectful thing to do would be at least to listen to them and take them into account. I told her my symptoms and she looked in my throat. She said she saw no signs of strep, but she (rather reluctantly) said she'd do the rapid test anyhow. I told her again that I rarely show the classic white spots on the back of my throat but that during the course of my career working with small children, I've had enough head colds and strep throat to know the difference. While the test is running, she is telling me to drink lots of fluids, take Advil, and use throat lozenges (DUH!) She gave me all the paperwork to send me packing and sent me to the waiting room to, well, wait :) After a few minutes, she brings me back into the room and says, "Did you say you'd had strep before?" Apparently, the test results looked like they were coming back positive, so she wanted to do it again to double check. Hey, I am all for thoroughness, but this was clearly being thorough because she didn't think it could be true. Well guess what, ladies and gentlemen? THE SECOND TEST CAME BACK POSITIVE! She was really shocked. I felt vindicated, but mostly really really awful (because, if you'll recall, I had strep throat, and that is miserable).

So I got my antibiotics and got in the car feeling, as mentioned, vindicated and yucky, but mostly I just felt angry. Because while most of the medical professionals I've ever dealt with were very sweet and well-meaning, the reason I ended up persevering in all those cases is because I know my body and I know enough about common illnesses and medical protocol (from my past experiences, I'm not claiming to have a medical degree) to know when to stand up and be assertive. So I'm upset on behalf of all the people who don't know enough about what they're being told to know when to object, or who don't know their bodies well-enough to trust those instincts that tell you when something is really wrong.

So to all of those doctors, nurses, pharmacists, physician's assistants, nurse practitioners, x-ray technicians, and everyone else that I can't remember to name who take the time to really talk and listen to their patients, and take what they have to say into account, I salute you. You have an incredibly difficult and important job, and you have managed to find a way to be the exception to the rule. You are my heroes, and I really aspire one day to be among your ranks. But to all of you who are going into any situation as a patient, I urge you to go in prepared to ask questions, be honest, and stand up for yourself and your own health.

In the meantime, my Advil is wearing off and it's getting hard to swallow, so I'm going to return to my "sick" spot on the couch next to J (who was also home sick today - don't come visit us, we're toxic!) and take some more medicine. Because right now I am listening very closely to my body, and it's telling me to go do that, so I will. What's that you say, body? I should also eat a cookie while I'm at it? I guess I'd better take that advice while I'm at it :)

Puerto Rico, you know the island . . . .

La de dah de dah de . . . . (Those are the only words from the West Side Story song that I know, sorry!)

So J and I just got back from a week in Puerto Rico, and let me tell you, I had some FANTASTIC posts planned. Do you want to see some iguanas get into a fight over territory underneath a lounge chair? I got it! You want to see what J and I look like after climbing around in the rain forest? Right here! You want to see what J and Raz look like as they stand side by side in front of the bathroom mirror and shave using my raspberry shaving gel? (I've never seen men prep for a wedding before, it was cute). Well, look no further!

OH WAIT, YOU CAN'T SEE ANY OF THOSE! (And neither can I, for that matter, so don't be offended). APPARENTLY our external storage device hates me and my photos, and while the first folder of photos I lost a few months ago was attributed to my being an idiot somehow, nobody can convince me that I did anything wrong yesterday when I moved the pictures from our trip off of my camera and into a new folder on the device.

So now I have some cute picture frames but the rare photos I had gotten of J and I both looking decent and NORMAL (J doesn't like to have his picture taken, so any photo with him in it is always entertaining, but never what you'd call a "good" picture) are gone.


ARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!


I'm super frustrated and sad, but part of that is just because I had specific plans for all those photos. Once I readjust to not having them I'll be fine, but for now, suffice to say that this is NOT what I had planned for my trip summary :(

Pinching Pennies vs. Little Luxuries - The Epic Throwdown!

So obviously a lot of what we're focused on these days has to do with money - where it's gone, where it is going now, where it will be headed next, and all those other petty, boring details. And obviously, we're very invested (haha, money pun!) in using our money wisely. However, this leads (as it always does) to the age old question:

How do we save as much money as possible while making sure that we don't end up depriving ourselves to the point of ending up in the insane asylum? At what point does it shift from being wise financial planning to sacrificing the quality of life we have in the here and now?

We've done this dance before (though usually out of necessity. If you have no money in the bank, you don't have the option to treat yourself to anything!) and as I've already admitted, I'm still working on finding the balance between the two extremes. But I think it's really important to acknowledge that what you really need to do is find the balance that works for you.


Pinching Pennies - Sustainability
I read on someone else's blog a while back (and I can't remember whose it was! Eeek! Someone email me if you find the article so I can give credit where it is due!) that being frugal isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. And I think that's brilliant. It's like dieting - sure, you can do some crazy diet where you nothing but water and one kind of fruit for two weeks (I just made that up, but it sounds like something that people would do, right?) and yeah, you'd lose a few pounds initially, but where does that get you? You'll end up craving something else so insanely that before you know it'll, you'll go bonkers and eat everything in your kitchen, and end up gaining it all back PLUS some extra (just to teach you a lesson!) Saving pennies by cutting down on everything we do or buy might help in the short term, but eventually, it's bound to backfire.

Bottom line: You have to view this kind of lifestyle change realistically, which means that you need to set goals that are reasonable for you. A lot of people who blog about being frugal have made some very drastic changes to their lives, and I applaud them, but those aren't things that would work for J and I. If you can't commit to it long-term, then quit kidding yourself.


Little Luxuries - What Makes Life Worth Living
What I haven't read much about on anybody's blog is how to be frugal while still remembering to treat yourself well and indulge (though sparingly) on the little things that are important to you. I don't mind making my lunch each day, but I tend to spend more money than J on things like hair products and makeup (which certainly doesn't mean I spend much, it just means that J spends almost nothing on those things!) Being able to go out to lunch with his coworkers is important to J, though, and he doesn't care to spend money on foundation and mascara ;) So in those respects, we have opposite luxuries that we certainly could cut out of our budget entirely (there are times that we have done so, and it would be easy enough to do again, if it became absolutely necessary) but if you cut out all of your little luxuries, then what is the point of your life each day?

Any time we end up identifying something that we really don't want to cut out of our lives (which we usually do on accident and after the fact!) the question is then simply an issue of how to cut down the cost as much as possible. Except for a few things that I refuse to scrimp on (because a lot of times, you do get what you pay for! That's just one more balancing act to try to figure out) I buy super cheap makeup and hair products, and J goes to pretty cheap places for lunch (he might also be phasing out some of his lunches each week, but that is a different post!)

This also ties into my above point about sustainability, because if you cut out EVERYTHING in your day to day life that wasn't 100% necessary, trust me, at some point you'd have a mental break and go on a spending rampage :) Then you're miserable (because that's what led to the mental break in the first place), you just spent the money you were supposed to be saving, and now you probably feel really guilty, also.

Bottom Line: Everybody has those little treats that makes themselves feel special and happy (J enjoys Baskin-Robbins ice cream, I enjoy a bottle of shampoo or a new thing to make the toilet water blue!) and if you can find a way to keep it reasonable, isn't it better just to budget yourself a little bit of "fun money" to play with, rather than waiting until you feel so bitter and angry at your budget that you throw it out the window?



The Balancing Act
So we're still working on finding the happy medium between those two extremes :) We're doing a lot of experimenting right now on a number of fronts (food and personal care, in particular!) which I've been photographing, so I have some fun future posts planned out ;) Keep your eyes peeled for those (because they're bound to be entertaining!) and if you have any suggestions for ways to cut costs without cutting out everything, I'd love to hear them!


* Update 3/20/10 *
Apparently, I started a trend in the discussion of this topic! Here are some other great posts on the same topic.
 The Balance Between Splurger and Miser 
The Balanced Money Formula

How Much Stuff Is Too Much Stuff?

I love stuff. I love random gadgets and electronic toys, I love books, I love candles and picture frames and random little things that you put on ledges because they're too cute to hide but you can't seem to find a real PLACE in the house where they specifically belong.

As many of you know, three years ago I had to move suddenly and took with me a (really big) suitcase, a computer, and not much else (everything else went into a storage unit). After about a year, we ran out of money to pay for the unit and didn't have the money (or space) to move all of our stuff to our current apartment. So, we got rid of all of it.

As someone who loves stuff, that was a painful decision for me! I still miss my light switches/dimmers with the remote control (so that I could set the level of lighting I wanted without ever having to leave the bed, that was my favorite gadget of all time! If I could steal one thing back from that storage unit, that would be it. Anybody know where I could buy a new one?) I miss the bookcase my dad bought and painted for me when I was 5, the desk J bought for me when I quit work to move in with him and go back to school, and I miss all the purses and shoes and random things I can't even remember at this point. And even this many years later, I admit that just thinking about all of those things makes me kind of weepy and nostalgic because I still want all my stuff back.

But when we actually got rid of it, nothing in our life changed (well, it even got better, because we didn't have that expense anymore!) We bought the things we NEEDED when we moved (some non-plastic kitchen-ware, a mattress, a table to put our computers on) and over time, we've replaced some of that original stuff (as of a month and a half ago, we have a COUCH! And a CHAIR that I can sit on when we have company, instead of sitting on the floor! It's like being civilized again!) But was my life any worse without my cute lamps? Of course not. I still missed them, but unless I thought about them specifically, there was never any point during my day when I thought, "Darn! If only I had that super cute little lamp right now, things would be so much better!"

So obviously, I am not one to preach minimalism, because I really just love things too much to try to deny it ;) But at some point it's interesting to ask yourself, "How much stuff is too much stuff?" For this guy, the answer is that pretty much all of his stuff is too much stuff ;) I'm not going to go that far, but I do recommend the "moving test" (that I just made up right now, but is really too brilliant to keep to myself).

This is the test:

You have two days to move out of your home and into another home (it could be a similar sized home, or a bigger or smaller one, that part isn't important). The catch is that you have to do the moving yourself. Well, in real life your friends and family probably wouldn't let you shoulder that kind of burden (hahaha, literally and figuratively! I'm so clever sometimes) alone. So let's say that you can have one person help you. (Now, as someone who has moved a LOT, I'd like to take a moment to remind you that even if that one friend is really big and burly, it is horribly time consuming and emotionally draining to set up boxes, pack them, tape them, move them to a vehicle, take them out of a vehicle, unpack them, break down the boxes, and put everything away.) At the end of the first day, when you realize that you won't be able to finish moving everything in the time you have left, what do you get rid of?

I think the most "spring cleaning" I've ever done is in the middle of a move, because at some point I end up getting so mad at my stuff that I just start chucking it in the trash ;)  And that's why this is such a great test (though admittedly, once I wish I didn't seem to keep doing annually!) The things that REALLY matter to you (wedding photos, favorite clothing items, your blankie your grandma made you when you were a baby) will make it through all of those moves. The rest of the stuff that you've collected along the way without meaning to (old tee-shirts you don't wear anymore, batteries that may or may not be dead, mostly empty bottle of lotion) are suddenly, very obviously, not worth keeping around. It's just not worth the effort it would take to move them. And if it's not worth the effort, why on earth do you still have it lying around, anyhow?

So, while I would like to not have to put myself through that test again for at LEAST another 6 months (or a year, that would be nice!) I think it's helpful to keep in mind when contemplating a purchase. "Do I want this lamp so badly that I'd go through the hassle to move it across the state, if I had to?" And if the answer is "no", then save yourself the hassle (and the money!) and move on to lunch, because that is a purchase that you can enjoy without having to worry about packing and moving 6 months from now :)

How NOT To Save Money (But It Sure Was Fun!)

I have been meaning to write this post for almost a YEAR now, but hey, better late than never, right? :)

We met up with a friend for lunch at Oggi's last year shortly before we got married, and as a gift, he said the meal would be on him. Well, none of us could find anything on the actual menu that sounded good, but we agreed that all of the appetizers sounded amazing.

So our friend said, "Let's just order all of them".

Lots of people might say something like that, but Kaz is the kind of crazy, wacky, friend that will actually follow through with statements like those. And so we ordered appetizers for lunch. LOTS of them (not ALL of them, because there were some seafood ones that we didn't like, but with the exception of about five, we got them all).

The waitress really thought we were joking when we placed our order (she also came back later to take our picture). We were the envy of all the other tables around us (the ones that people could sit at, at least! The food wouldn't all fit on our table at once, so we ended up taking over a nearby table, also).

In short, it was AWESOME! There was such a sense of reckless abandon and freedom at our table, and in the end, I think that's what Kaz's gift to us was (I doubt that was his intent, because while Kaz's whimsicality is always fun and entertaining, he's not so much for being serious or deep). The food was great (and he had leftovers to last him and his roommate for days upon days!) but more than that, it was the gift of being told that it was okay to really just let go, enjoy ourselves, and have fun without worrying so much.

It really made me realize that, after all the financial issues we'd been having over the past few years, going out to eat for me had become all about the food itself and the cost-benefit analysis of each bite. I still liked not having to prepare the food, and I always like going on dates with J, but the meal part caused me so much stress simply because it involved money. I don't think I used to be like that, and I don't want to be like that anymore either, but it is a hard habit to break.

Our lunch that afternoon ended up having very little to do with the food (and since Kaz was the ring-leader of the ordering, I didn't feel too guilty about the cost) and so much to do with enjoying ourselves and the afternoon. My dad has perfected that skill to an art form - he sees nothing wrong with ordering two entrees for himself, or two desserts (or both for that matter!) and anyone who's ever gone to dinner with him knows what a wonderfully fun evening that attitude leads to. (For the record, he always takes home leftovers. I don't want the world thinking my dad is hugely obese or something!)

So, while I certainly can't afford to have such extravagant lunches on a regular basis, I think it is important to have those days sometimes where you say, "Heck with it all, let's do something for ourselves!" because life should be about balance. And I'm still not very good at striking that balance, but I am sincerely trying, because what good is a life spent living in fear and worry?

So thank you, Kaz, for showing me that sometimes a lot of money spent on something frivolous is a good way to remind ourselves of what we want from life!

This is Kaz, showing his approval of our spread (notice I can't fit it all into the frame at once!)

** There are more photos of the event, but I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get text and photos formatted (together) into this darned program. So if you really want more pictures, let me know and I'll put together a gallery or something (because I aim to please!) **